This is Real

Excerpt

Trigger warning: Involves moments of grief, sadness and loss of child

This was the 3rd time. The 3rd failed transfer.

3rd time that I failed.

And now I’m doing a test to see why my uterus will not allow the fertilized eggs of my future child to implant. Its all I want - a baby of my own.

Babies are born every day to people that don’t want them - to abusers, drug addicts, rapists - and I can’t even have one. Is this my punishment? Did I do something to deserve this?

We’ve almost been there. My daughter died before birth, before I could do anything for her. Before I could be anything for her. There is this loss, this darkness that hits you when you experience something so tragic. You find yourself staring into space, into your own pain and before you know it, hours have gone by. The world slips by. Everyone else moves forward but you’re stuck, feeling what should have been, holding on because if you don’t, you’ll forget her. And how can you? She was yours. She is yours.

I knew something wasn’t right but no one listened and now I’m living with this while everyone else goes on with their lives. Its been over a year, and I still can’t see anyone. I don’t know when I’ll be able to.